MY ELEVEN FOR 2011 (OR A VERY PERSONAL BLOG POST)

DISCLAIMER. This blogpost aims to share the experiences and lessons that I had gone through the past whole year of 2011. It’s something close to my heart and I guess, the point of this blogpost is to share with you the lessons that each obstacle and blessing has taught me. (It’s also a very long personal post)

ONE: START THE YEAR WITH DEPRESSION

Though everybody started the year right, I started it with a broken heart that’s been with me since August 2010. I’ve been through a very horrible break up. The loss of a 2 year relationship and the love of my life really destroyed me. I was no longer properly functioning in all aspects of my life. Last March 2011, I was clinically diagnosed with depression. The therapist said mainly because of the break up and because I wasn’t studying what I wanted in life. When I was told I was clinically depressed, I laughed and said, “that’s impossible, I’m always a happy person” One thing I learned: Happiness is a choice, and so is sadness. Sadness is a dark place and I don’t want to be there anymore.

TWO: GOODBYE SECRET PARIS, MONEY,  & SPEECH PATHOLOGY?

Due to my depression, I was unable to really take care of myself and all my priorities. I closed my business, Secret Paris, for 2 months. I spent and used all my savings in useless things to mend my broken heart.  Worst of all was, I lost the will to study (masipag ako mag aral) and if you are tamad in UP Manila with super smart blockmates, Lagot ka Iha! Which eventually led me to failing 2 of my majors in Speech Pathology. Looking back, these 3 failures in my business, finance, and school made me braver than I ever was today. Like what Michael Jordan said, “I failed many times, that’s why I succeeded”.  I’M COUNTING ON YOU JORDAN, I BELIEVE I CAN FLY SOMEDAY #Corny (this is me wearing my white uniform)

THREE: HELLO CLOTHING TECHNOLOGY

                When I said braver, I meant shifting to your dream course at your senior year (where the rest of your batchmates graduating on March 2012) without telling your parents.  THAT’S ME BEING BAD ASS! That summer of 2011, I re-took the class I failed in UP DILIMAN. It was my dream campus because my dream course, BS CLOTHING TECHNOLOGY.  Seeing my dream college everyday made me braver to transfer courses, UP Parin naman eh! So during the first day of school June 2011, When my parents asked why I wasn’t wearing the usual white medical uniform, I answered with tears but with guts “Clothing Technology na po ako, Sa UP DILIMAN.” – Yes, My Parents transformed to Incredible Hulk & even challenged me to pay for my tuition, FOREVER.  NO REGRETS. You always fight for your dream, even if it meant being grounded, or disappointing  your parents and family of doctors and nurses, and you having to make ways just to pay for your tuition. I honestly believe you go to college to be one step closer to your dream, YOUR DREAM NOT THEIRS. In the end, it’s your happiness that will make them happy.

With designer, Veejay Floresca

FOUR: ALMOST THERE BUT NEVER THERE

Now, I’ve been single for a 1 year and 5 months (YES, BILANG NA BILANG) and there were suitors and flings on the side but I was always afraid whenever I get close with someone. I guess it was the effect of the trauma of my previous relationship and break up. I did had hope on this someone who came back after 3 years, OH DIBA ROMANTIC MOVIE ANG PEG? But that only lasted for a month. Then someone new came along who look like he actually came out of a Twilight movie, except just like the movies Bella and Jacob cannot be.  I learned that you are who you attract. So you have to love and respect yourself first, become the man you want to be with and in time, He will come. I trust in that! (DIBA JOHN PRATS? Hahahaa #CHOS)

FIVE: LETTING GO – OF PEOPLE AND BLACKBERRY

                I’m the type of Person who easily gets attached and who expects a lot too. It’s a bad habit I know. This year, I was really tested to let go of people and things. I lost all my money, I lost the freedom at sometime because my parents got mad at me for transferring, I lost the “chances” with the one who got away or with Jacob Black, I lost my blackberry (it got stolen), I lost my wallet, I lost the love of my life, and I lost the love I had for myself. I was such a mess. Life has its way of humbling us. When God empties your bowl, He is preparing you to receive big blessings. Let Go and Let God. TIWALA LANG.

SIX: PAMELA GOES AROUND MANILA

This year I also decided to dedicate real time in my blog, Pamela from Manila. Being in Clothing Technology also gave me more reasons to post fashion related blog post which is also my passion. It’s nice to share the things I love and learn (like what I’m doing now) kasi gusto ko talaga mag artista. WAHAHAHA But really though, posting what I love has opened doors for me and my blog. Konti palang naman, but even with that, I am already thankful.  It makes me me motivated to raise the bar and be a better blogger. One of the latest things and small achievements would be my small feature in Meg Magazine (December 2011-January 2012), by THE Elisa Aquino (of http://thunderpopcola.tumblr.com)

SEVEN:  (BIRTH OF )11:11 PM & SECRET PARIS (TURNS 2)

                One of the books that help me survive my emotional break up (not to mention one of my favorite books ever) was “It’s called a break up because it’s broken.” There was a line there that goes “TURN YOUR BREAK UP INTO A BREAKTHROUGH.”  The first thing that came to mind was, I should turn this everyday crying into planning a new business venture. I think behind every successful business is a heartbreak, hahaha.  And indeed it was the birth of my third business, 11:11 PM. (http://elevenelevenpm.com) For this I turn to Lady Gaga’s words of wisdom. “If you have to choose between a man and a career, Remember when you choose your career you won’t wake up one day saying it doesn’t love you anymore”  Tama nga lola Fely ko, “Tama na yang Boyfriend na yan, Negosyo mo muna, Yayaman ka pa!”

                For Secret Paris, I started the business because of my love for clothes with only P500 last December 2009! Two years after, I have sold more than a thousand clothes, and have earned money that helped me and family a lot. I had the website and the logo re-done for a new look with new goals! I am thankful for my baby and to everybody who continues to buy from my little shop. Secret Paris 2012 will be different, it will have the same Kanye west song peg as my other goals, “HARDER, BETTER, FASTER, STRONGER”

EIGHT: MS. C.A.M.P 2011

                Ever since I was young, I’ve always wanted  to be a beauty queen. I wanted to Join Little Ms. Philippines in Eat Bulaga but Dad never allowed me. When I was 16 was suppose to be one of the finalists of “MS. TEEN PHILIPPINES” (that year Myx VJ Julian Savvard won) but I was in Bicol for a fashion show of my shirt designs during the elimination pageant. I guess it was never meant to be. When my college in UP Manila had a beauty pageant, I knew this is my chance. I designed my gown & prayed 100 times during the question and answer portion. Who would have thought,  I was crowned the FIRST EVER Ms. College of Allied Medical Professions UP Manila, 2011. I do believe when you focus your thoughts on your goal, it will happen. Also at the end of the day, Character wins over beauty! Shamcey Supsup ang Peg ko talaga! (A picture of me during the pageant with CAMP Professor, Sir Ken )

NINE:  NEW FRIENDSHIP

                One of the best things I am really thankful for are the new friends I gained this year. I believe that people come and go in our lives. But everyone who does come on our lives serve as our teachers, they all carry beautiful stories and they will mold us into whoever we are suppose to be. I’ve also let go of some people who bring negativity in my life, yes it may hurt but as we grow up, it’s best we surround of people who uplift us. Life is asking to be prepared for endless transformations, friends will come and go, but always be a true friend and cherish your relationships! At the end of the day, you will be surprised on who will pick up your phone call on your bloody ex. Trust me on this!

TEN: FORGIVENESS

                This year I was definitely asked by God to exercise my Forgiveness skills. I’m the type of person who does not like to place grudges on anybody. Gusto ko Happy Yipee Yehey ang peg lagi. But I was also really hurt and in pain. When you lose the love of your life (who you thought was “The One”) and finding out he cheated on you more than your fingers can count is no joke, it equates to real heavy pain.  And to see him happy and moving forward with his life & you being miserable after being the best girlfriend  was a “GUSTO KO NA MAGPAKAMATAY MODE.” I had to go through a retreat to legitimately forgive this person & when I was being asked to forgive him already, IT WAS SO HARD. My love for him and the pain he has caused me confused me. I didn’t want to forgive him. In fact, I wanted to kill him. HAHAHA But we all know we all have to forgive eventually no matter how huge the pain. Holding grudge/resentment is like drinking a poision wishing my ex boyfriend dies. Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and finding out it the prisoner was actually me. And lastly, Forgiveness is done not be the weak but strong people. I AM STRONG.

ELEVEN: STRONGER ME

                I’ve been seeing my twitter and my facebook timeline with people saying this year has been the best year of their lives. I honestly feel out of place because, this year has been really crappy and painful for me. Every month had an obstacle and problem to offer. Each month, I always end up crying over something heartbreaking and then eventually wiping my tears and do something about it. I guess that was the lesson that 2011 was trying to tell me, enough with the self pity, hurt, pain, YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE, PAMELA. IN FACT, YOU ARE THE STRONGEST WOMAN I KNOW. I’m proud of myself (If I may be selfish for once) I got hurt, I got cheated on more than 10 times, I lost almost everything, but here I am, writing just a few hour before the year ends with a big smile and a spartan spirit! I am indeed the strongest woman I know. I survived a tragedy. 2012 will be the year I welcome the big blessings. Toast to the new Year!

I hope with all my heart that what I shared will inspire you in a way. Things will get better, it always does.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! WELCOME 2012! <3

Kisses, Pamela (Mejia) from Manila.